Magic, Machines, and Mayhem: Book One
by Ymaconis
Summary: When the Danville gang gets letters of acceptance the Hogwarts, it can only mean one thing... A WHOLE NEW KIND OF ADVENTURE! Rating subject to change. REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**This had to be done. Because let's face it, who of us that are Harry Potter fans don't can't totally see Phineas and Ferb as wizards. Besides, you must admit that it does explain a few of the things they do. Not to mention, P&F plus HP equals TOTAL AWESOMENESS! **

**DISCLAIMER: I own none of the canon characters. Just the plot and my computer upon which I typed this up. Flames will be destroyed by Phin-min and Ferbooch in the Beak suit and Perry the secret agent Platypus.**

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Phineas was frustrated, something that didn't happen often. Normally, he would be building some contraption the rest of the world thought was impossible. Unfortunately, however, he couldn't think of anything to do today, and it was driving him nuts.

On the plus side, Perry had stayed home today, although Phineas didn't know that was only because Doofenshmirtz had managed to destroy his own inator before he was called in, getting the platypus a well earned day off.

"Eurgh! I can't think of anything to do!" Phineas shouted, slamming his fist against the ground in a rare display of anger. "Ferb, please tell me you have _something _we can do so I don't go completely crazy before the day's over?"

Ferb just shrugged. He did hold up his notepad to indicate that Phineas could draw something, however.

"I don't feel like drawing, Ferb," Phineas said. "I wanna _**do **_something. You know like… Wait, we already did that. Or maybe… No, did that too. We could… ARGH!"

"Hey Phineas," Isabella said, having his shouts of frustration since she had been in their driveway at the time. "Is everything ok?"

"NO! I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO DO!" With that, he flopped face-first down on the grass.

"Whoa," Buford said, walking in then. "I think all of Danville heard that, Dinner Bell."

Phineas made a 'whatever' sign with his hand, still lying face-down in the grass. Well, as close to face-down as he could get without completely squashing his nose, that is.

"Do you think he'll snap out of it, Ferb?" Isabella asked quietly.

Ferb shrugged again, peering at his (step)brother in faint worry. He hoped Phineas wasn't having another breakdown like he did on the island.

Phineas wearily lifted his head, but then hopped up suddenly, staring at something in the sky with confusion. "Is it just me, or is that an owl?"

The others followed his gaze, all with varying levels of surprise. Well, varying levels of displaying it, at least.

Perry chattered. Other than Agent O, who this owl wasn't, owls didn't come out in the day.

"It's a barred owl," Phineas noted, the only one who was completely calm about it. Any of time, he might have been a little less relaxed, but Phineas was thinking about what neat opportunities this owl might present.

The owl didn't land; rather, it dropped five envelopes on the ground in the backyard, an action that did not get missed by one Candace Flynn.

"Whatever you two are doing, I'm going to bust you for it!" Candace shouted from her open window. Then she paused as she recalled Phineas' earlier shouts. "Wait, what are you doing? I thought you couldn't think of anything to do?"

"We can't, Phineas said, picking up the envelopes and handing them to his friends. "Whoa, cool! These people know which room we sleep in, Ferb!"

Now, Candace may not have shown exceptional leadership qualities in the past, but her brother's statement made some protective instinct in her head go 'ding!'. "Phineas, if you open that, I'll…"

Unfortunately for Candace, Phineas was still very much an overly eager eleven year old boy, and had already torn open the letter. Ultramarine eyes scanned the emerald writing, his face lighting up. "Oh wow! Ferb did you…?"

Ferb looked up at Phineas, his eyes clearly expressing (clearly to Phineas, not to anyone else) that he had, and that he found the whole thing somewhat interesting.

"Oh my gosh!" Isabella practically squeaked. "I'm a witch?"

"This is very strange," Baljeet said. "How can we all be wizards and witches? I thought magic did not exist."

"Well, we can mark that off the list of things yet to be proven impossible," Phineas said as Ferb did so. "Hey, Candace never got one of these letters. We should ask this Professor guy why that is when he gets here. Oh, and I have to make sure I can bring Perry."

"What are you twerps talking about?" Candace asked as she pulled the letter away from Phineas. "Magic? Please, Phineas, this obviously somebody's crazy idea of a joke. Now, I'm calling Mom."

Phineas, being Phineas, pulled the letter away, and sat down on the grass, petting the platypus that was now seated in his lap as he read through the letter more thoroughly this time.

"I can't wait to get a magic wand," Buford said. "Then I can learn to hex all you dweebs."

Ferb glared at Buford, and the bully quickly decided not to mess with either him or Phineas. The green-haired boy had a temper, especially when his little brother was being threatened. Phineas only seemed to have a temper when he couldn't think of something to do.

"Yeah, Mom? No, the boys didn't make anything today, Phineas seems to be having a slow idea day. Why am I calling you? Because Phineas and Ferb, well, and their friends, got these weird letters that were delivered by an owl! An owl, Mom! I'm dead serious! There was an owl, flying, in Danville, not two minutes ago! And the letters even have their room on the address! It's just… It's really weird, Mom, I'm not going to lie to you. Furthermore, the letters were sent by some 'school' named 'Hogwarts', claiming the boys were 'magic'. Well, yes, their friends too, but that's not the point, Mom!" Candace shouted in the phone. "The point is, some crazy lunatic is stalking the boys! Well, no I don't know that for sure… No, Irving doesn't count, Mom, he's just plain weird."

Candace listened to Linda over the phone, sighing. "Fine. I'll just make sure the boys don't do anything today, not that it should be too hard with Phineas having a case of Inventor's Block, and you can see for yourself when you get home."

She hung up, only for Phineas to glare at her. "I do NOT have Inventor's Block."

The others exchanged glance, some amused (Buford), and others exasperated (Ferb and Isabella). Of course, it was so Phineas that he would deny not being able to think of anything. The island they had crashed during the summer solstice proved that.

Candace at least had the sense not to push Phineas on the subject, she too remembering his little mental breakdown. "Just… Stay here and don't make anything crazy, would you? Mom will be home soon enough anyway. Oh, I know! You could give that platypus of yours a bath. He's starting to smell again."

"Hey Perry, do you want a bath?" Phineas asked, picking up the platypus as if he could understand him. (He could, they just didn't know that.) "Oh man, Candace is right, buddy. You reek."

The others exchanged another glance, and decided bathing Perry was better than nothing. And even they had to admit he was starting to smell a bit.

XXXXXXX

"Hey Mom," Phineas said, stroking Perry as both he and the platypus almost fell asleep. Ferb looked up from the book he had started after they finished with Perry's bath, knowing that Phineas was tired because he was the one to chase Perry down when the platypus had tried to run off. "We gave Perry a bath today. I'm not so sure he liked it; I had to chase him for a bit when we filled the tub."

"That's nice, Phineas," Linda said, placing the groceries on the table as she put them away. "Now, Candace said something about letters…?"

"On the counter," Ferb said, watching as his brother's head drooped again, but this time from exhaustion. He had a feeling that part of Phineas' trouble today was because he had been being just a little over-the-top as of late.

Candace came in then, but managed to stop herself from shouting when she saw Phineas catnapping on the floor. "See Mom?" she asked quietly. "Weird letters with their room in the address."

"It's from a school for magic, Candace," Phineas said, not quite asleep. "It kinda makes sense that they would know which room we have, if you think about it."

"Hogwarts?" Linda said, noticing the name of the school. "That's a strange name for a school. And if it really is a school for magic, why would you be getting letters from a British magic school? Why not an American one?"

Phineas shrugged, giving up on a nap for now. "I don't know. Maybe because Ferb was born in Britain?"

Ferb gave his brother a look that clearly displayed his interest. Even half-asleep, Phineas could find possible connections none of them could.

At that moment, the doorbell rang, and Lawrence opened to reveal a man with long silver hair and a beard that he could tuck into his belt if he wished. Slightly stranger was what he was wearing, as it consisted of a purple robe and a wizard's hat.

"Oh, hey! You must be the professor Hogwarts sent!" Phineas shouted, now wide awake. "Cool." A wide grin was on his face, and the professor could help but smile.

"My name is Professor Dumbledore," the man said. "I am headmaster at Hogwarts, where your young boys shall be attending; should you allow them too, that is."

"So you're really a wizard, huh?' Candace asked, dubious. "Prove it."

Dumbledore smiled. It was a pity this girl was a muggle, she would have made for an excellent witch. He pulled out his wand and gave it a flick, conjuring up a vase of flowers from midair.

Phineas' grin just widened, his eyes sparkling with fascination. Perry, on the other hand, chattered uneasily. He was thinking about how much mayhem Doofenshmirtz could cause with one of those wands.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Phineas said, scooping up the platypus into his arms. "I can bring Perry as my pet, right? After all, he's housebroken and everything!"

Dumbledore smiled again. It didn't take a fool to tell that Phineas had his heart set on bringing Perry. "Of course. After all, it isn't often a wizard succeeds in finding his magical familiar."

"Huh?' Phineas asked. "What's a familiar?"

"A familiar is an animal to which a specific witch or wizard has an unbreakable bond," Dumbledore explained. "It's not a common thing, but it seems you've found a familiar in this Perry, Phineas."

"Cool!" Phineas said again. "Did you hear that, Perry? You get to come to Hogwarts with us! Uh, we can go, right Mom?"

Linda pretended to be making up her mind for a moment, and then smiled. "Sure thing, honey."

"What?" Candace asked. "Mom, you can't be serious! You're just going to let them go to some magic school in Britain like that?"

"Candace, why don't you take the boys to the park while your mother and have a few words with this Professor Dumbledore?" Lawrence asked.

"Fine," Candace grumbled. "Come on, boys."

XXXXXXX

Phineas picked up a stick that had fallen and was waving it about in a similar manner to how Dumbledore had. "Cheer up, Candace. We've been to England before, and besides, we get to learn magic! If it makes you feel better, I promise we'll write home at least once a week."

Candace said nothing, just watching as Phineas continued to wave his 'wand' about, pretending that he was casting spells. She knew that if her brothers really were magic, then they deserved to go to a school that could teach them all about it.

It didn't mean she wasn't going to mess them and their zany ideas, though.

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**Chapter 2 will be out shortly, but I do wish to warn you that I'm going to skip over a few days. So the next chapter will take place in England, with the gang off to get supplies. And yes, this is going to take place in the Sorcerer's Stone. And you didn't really think I wasn't going to have Perry be coming to Hogwarts, did you? **

**Now, click the little button below and tell me what you think! Please?**


	2. Chapter 2

**As promised, a fast chapter 2. Mostly because I have at least the first few chapters all worked out in my head. And don't worry, Harry and Co. will show up soon enough.**

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Phineas was literally bouncing with excitement. It had been a week since they got their letters, and now they had finally arrived in Britain, on their way to Diagon Alley. They had been told how to navigate the area, and since they already had plenty of experience with doing things on their own, they had decided to stay together, but get what they needed without help.

Perry chattered on his leash next to Phineas. He hadn't known how to explain his future disappearance to Monogram, and so had pretended that the boys were going on vacation in Britain. They were going to assign a temporary agent replacement to Doofenshmirtz, but only Perry knew it would be a long term substitution.

"There!" Phineas said. "The Leaky Cauldron, just as Dumbledore said. Now come on. We need to get through there, get to Diagon Alley, find Gringotts, and then get our supplies."

The five entered the pub, Phineas scooping up Perry again, not wanting the platypus to get separated from him the crowded area. Isabella quickly got instructions on how to get into Diagon Alley from Tom the bartender, and soon the group found themselves in one of the more popular magic distribution centers.

"Oh, wow," Isabella said. "This place is so cool!"

"I found Gringotts!" Buford shouted, Baljeet sticking as close to the bully as possible.

"Oh, thank goodness. This place is horribly crowded!" the young Indian said.

Ferb just walked on as if everything was perfectly normal, Phineas at his side. The redhead may have been getting a little more distracted by all the sights, but had enough sense still intact to know that they could do anything without money.

About half an hour later, the group went to Olivander's to get their wands. Buford went first, and it took him three tries, but he finally ended up with a stout 9-inch hickory wand with a dragon heartstring core. Baljeet managed to place his wand on the first try, an 8 ½-inch willow with a unicorn hair core. Isabella ended up with a unicorn hair core as well, her wand being a 10-inch cherry.

Ferb took six ties, but he ended with an 11-inch maple with a thestral hair core. But when it came to Phineas, it took quite a while.

"Hmm…" Olivander said after the eleventh failed attempt. "I wonder…" He pulled out a wand that had been made quite some time ago, and it had been impossible for him to place. "Try this one."

Phineas gave it a wave, and mini-tornado exploded into existence around him. "Whoa…"

"Phoenix feather, 10 and ½ inches, mahogany," Olivander said. "You should tremendous power, young wizard."

Phineas was a little creeped out, and was glad to pay for his wand and get out there. "So where to now, guys?"

"We do have a list of supplies, you know," Ferb said. "Perhaps we should spilt up into two groups."

"Ferb has a point," Phineas said. "Buford, Baljeet, you two can be one group. Isabella, Ferb and I can be the other."

With a nod, the five spilt up, Phineas still having a firm hold on Perry's leash. "So where do you wanna go first, Ferb?"

Ferb looked over at the robe shop. "Good idea. Come on, Perry."

On inside, they noticed that they weren't the only ones there. There was also a pale blonde and a scruffy haired boy with glasses being fitted.

"What is _**that**_?" the blonde asked, staring at Perry.

"This is Perry," Phineas said. "He's a blue platypus. They're like duck-billed platypuses, only they don't have any poison spurs and are a little smaller."

"You a Muggle-born, aren't you?"

Phineas had heard that word before, and knew it meant someone born of 'normal' parents. "I guess so. I mean, I never met my biological dad, so I don't really know… I don't think he was a wizard, though."

The boy just snorted, but soon left with his mother. It wasn't long before the other boy was done as well, and about fifteen minutes later, the three walked out of the shop with their new robes.

"Apothecary next, anyone?" Phineas asked. Ferb just gave him a thumbs-up, and Isabella agreed.

XXXXXXX

It had taken a while, but finally the only thing left to get were their pets. Phineas already had Perry, who was taking the opportunity to sunbathe. Phineas was looking at his spell book, trying to learn one of the spells. Settling on a simple light spell, he took out his wand and began trying it out.

"Lumos," Phineas said, and his wand lit up for half a second before it went out. "Aw, come on! That's one of the easiest ones in the book!"

"Having trouble, Dinner Bell?" Buford asked, holding a cage with a fierce looking Great Horned Owl he had named Dagger in it.

"Give it a rest, Buford," Phineas said, shoving his wand back in his pocket. Not only was he not able to think of anything cool to create, he couldn't even master an easy spell.

"Phineas, are you sure you're ok?" Isabella asked, her new cat Walnut in hand.

"I'm fine." Ferb raised an eyebrow at that, his owl Dusk, a Greater Sooty Owl, in a cage, sitting quietly in her cage. He knew Phineas wasn't fine, especially since he still had 'Inventor's Block' and now hadn't managed a simple spell.

Baljeet had gotten an Indian Scops Owl , who he hadn't yet named. "We should be getting back to the inn. Besides, I do not fancy walking around this place with all this stuff to carry."

"Jeet's right," Phineas said, hopping to his feet and gathering his stuff up. "Come on, Perry. We can have a look around later."

XXXXXXX

Tom helped them get set up in their rooms. Isabella was in room 11, Buford and Baljeet in room 12, and Phineas and Ferb shared room 13.

"This a bit different than the usual, huh Ferb?" Phineas asked. "I mean, normally we would be creating some crazy invention right now, yet here we are, about to enter a whole new chapter in our lives."

Ferb just shrugged, knowing that sooner or later, Phineas was going to fall asleep out of exhaustion. To his surprise, Phineas pulled out the same book as earlier and his wand, obviously intent on mastering at least one spell.

"Come on, work this time," Phineas said. "Lumos!" This time when the wand lit up, it stayed lit up. "Hey, Ferb, check it!"

Ferb gave his brother a thumbs-up, and Phineas glanced down at the book to learn the counter-spell. "Ok… Nox." The light went out, and Phineas had a huge grin on his face. "So cool."

"Nice," Ferb said. "And earlier you almost gave up!"

Phineas chuckled nervously. "Just tired, really…"

"And cranky because you're having a hard time coming up with ideas."

"Oh, shut it," Phineas said, tossing his pillow at his brother. The redhead then yawned, half-lidded eyes showing his exhaustion.

"Tired much?"

"You're being rather chatty today," Phineas observed. "Oh! That reminds me… You do know that all the spells we'll be learning at first require actually saying the spell out loud?"

Ferb looked over at Phineas, using his eyes to communicate in a manner only they could understand.

"I'm sure you could cast the spells without speaking… Doubt that it's a first year thing, though…" Phineas said. "You'll be ahead of everyone!"

For a few moments, the two sat in silence, using looks and small gestures to have a conversation. Although the rest of their friends would classify Phineas as a chatterbox (in a good way), there were times both enjoyed their silent conversations.

A crash from room 12 interrupted their conversation, and even if it hadn't, Baljeet's indignant shouts and Dagger's loud hooting would have.

"Care to go see what they're up to?" Phineas asked. Ferb made a slightly mocking show of gesturing him to go first.

"Oh, come on," Phineas said, crossing the hall and pushing open the door. "What did you two do?"

"Buford knocked over my books _**and **_Bakka's cage!" Baljeet said as he carefully removed the cage from under the pile of books, opening to let his owl out.

"Bakka?" Phineas asked. "Did you derive his name from the Indian Scops Owl's binomial name, _Otus Bakkamoena_?"

"Nerd, naming your owl after the species classification," Buford said.

"Is everyone alright?" Isabella asked, Walnut in her arms.

"Yes, Bakka seems to be uninjured," Baljeet said, having finished checking over his owl.

"If that's all then, I think I'm going to head to bed," Phineas said. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm beat."

"Night, Phineas," Isabella said.

"Good night, you two," Baljeet said, since Ferb followed Phineas into their room.

Buford just grunted, but got his point across anyway.

Phineas chuckled as he flopped down next to Perry after retrieving his pillow form Ferb's bed. For a while, the two went back to silent conversation, but eventually Phineas dozed off, his head hitting the pillow as he snored softly.

Ferb knew his brother was properly asleep because of this, because Phineas only snored when he was completely out of it. Content that things were only going to get better, he too fell asleep, neither of the adventure to come.

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**As promised, a quick chapter 2… And don't worry. Phineas will start coming up with ideas soon enough…**

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